We Got Movie Reviews! – Brandon Belt
I’ve finally gotten out to see a few movies lately. I went to two over the weekend with Haylee and saw two on the last road trip.
Bad Moms: Haylee and I got to the theater late and had to sit in the front row. So already it wasn’t great. But the movie was freaking hilarious. It’s about the moms’ jobs and their interactions with the kids and trying to overcome the judgment from other moms. It was pretty crude at times. They basically had these moms talking like you’d expect from a group of guys. One of the actresses — I can’t remember her name but she’s in Stepbrothers, a red-headed woman, Catherine something – she was absolutely hilarious. I laughed my butt off pretty much the entire movie. Haylee liked it a lot, too. The best part was the woman in the theater who you could hear laughing like every five seconds. She thought this was the funniest thing she had ever seen her entire life. And that made it even funnier for me.
Rating: B-plus. It’s the funniest female comedy I’ve seen. Better even than Bridesmaids. Actually maybe it’s an A.
Sausage Party: Haylee didn’t want to go see it, and I talked her into going. She’s like, “It’s a cartoon and it’s probably going to be stupid.’’ I said, “Yeah, probably, but stupid can be funny.’’ It’s from the guys who made Superbad and all those movies. Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, Danny McBride. Kristen Wiig was in it. I was kind of excited to see it, but it was brutal. As in terrible. Awful. But all they did was make a bunch of cartoon food cuss a lot. It’s set in a grocery store and the food wants to get out because they think they’re going to heaven when they’re picked and taken out of the grocery store. They call it the Great Beyond. When they get picked, they go out there and learn they’re getting eaten by people and getting slaughtered and basically going to hell. It’s kind of a funny premise. Like there are German bratwursts who want to kill all the juice. Kristen Wiig is a bun, and she has a boyfriend who’s a wiener. But we walked out after an hour. I didn’t laugh hardly at all, and I love comedies.
Rating: F. This might be my first F, though I might have given The Jungle Book an F, I can’t remember.
Jason Bourne. I saw it on the road with Kontos, Osich and Chad Chop. It’s the only Jason Bourne movie I’ve ever seen. I didn’t care for it too much. I like the Mission Impossible movies better. Not much else to say.
Suicide Squad. Cain and I went when we were in Washington. The story’s about these villains who form a super-hero type group to defeat bigger evils. It’s a Marvel comic and it’s set in the same place as Batman and Superman. It’s really cheesy. Very corny dialogue. It was supposed to be a Guardians of the Galaxy type movie, and it wasn’t even close to that. Guardians of the Galaxy is way better. It had a good cast—Will Smith, Margot Robbie, the guy from Jack Reacher. A lot of guys I’ve seen before. And Jared Leto was the Joker. He was a good Joker, but I heard he was weird during the filming, that he stayed in character even when they weren’t shooting. Cain thought it was pretty stupid.
Rating: C-. Maybe D actually.
That’s it for now. Thanks for reading. Let me know what movies I should see next. And let me know if you think Haylee will like it.
Also wanted to give a shout out to Dillon O’Leary and his family from Pleasanton who I met yesterday before the game. Keep battling.