Does My Butt Look Big in this Dress? – Brandon Belt

"Dustin Hoffman, eat your heart out"

“Dustin Hoffman, eat your heart out”

I’m writing this – dictating actually – before the media show up to interview us, an annual thing the day before FanFest. But I flew into the Bay Area a few days early for two reasons: To find a house to rent in the East Bay for the season, and to shoot commercials for the Giants.

First, the house. Haylee and I lived in an apartment near the ballpark last year. We couldn’t have our dog. It wasn’t that dogs weren’t allowed. But Lilly is awful. She has bad separation anxiety, and when we leave her alone she screams at the top of her lungs for about an hour straight. We can’t share a wall with anybody when Lilly’s with us, so she stayed with my parents. But in the offseason I had a midlife crisis about my dog. She’s a mutt that, if I had to guess is a beagle/dachshund/rat terrier mix with kind of a squatty, feet-turned-out stance of a basset hound. I love my dog, and I realized if I kept leaving her in Texas during the season, I’d miss three-quarters of her life and that made me really sad. So we’re going to find a house with a yard this season.

As for the commercials, I’m convinced the Giants sit in a room and say, “How can we humiliate these players when they get here?’’ Or maybe just, “How can we humiliate Brandon?’’ Then they come up with the worst things possible. I had to dress up like a giraffe. I had to dress up like a fan with a big mustache and look like a lumberjack. And I had to dress up like a Gamer Babe. I wore baseball pants under the dress but it was still very tight. Of course it showed my big butt. And the front part wasn’t as loose as you’d want it to be. In the commercial I was sitting then standing and it’s not like you have time to adjust yourself. I hope they have a good editor. At least I got to sit with a bunch of fans, who are in the commercials. That was the best part.

Photos from Commericals Day 1

You will notice when you see me that I now have facial hair. I started growing it in November with my buddies back home. Mine got really thick and bushy – not like Sergio or Brian Wilson – but I got to the point where it was bothering me. So I trimmed it. And I cut my hair. It doesn’t stick straight up any more. I’m going for the grown-up look.

I worked out hard during the off-season. Right now I’m as strong as I’ve ever been at this point in the year. I always want to do better than I did the previous year in all aspects of my game but also in weight-training. I’m definitely heavier – most of it’s good weight but if you live in Texas, you know some of it’s Mexican food. I got back into the batting cage after New Year’s, working mostly off a tee. You’re basically laying down a base for spring training so you feel ready to dive right in. This off-season seemed really long, and for the past few weeks I’ve really been feeling the itch to get back on the field.

The highlight of the off-season was moving into our house, which my dad has been renovating for us. We’ve been living with Haylee’s parents, who are great, but it’s really nice to have our own place.

I have a room above the garage that I guess you’d call a man cave. It has three televisions to watch all the football games, a pool table, a kitchenette and these really, really comfortable beanbag-type chairs called Lovesacs. I use to go into the Lovesac store and sit on the chairs and wish I had one. Now I have two.

I can’t end this without a few quick movie reviews.

American Hustle: Haylee didn’t like it a whole bunch. Not a lot of action going on. Not a lot to get your blood flowing. But I thought it had a good plot. Two-and-half stars (out of four).

Wolf of Wall Street: You can pretty much watch a porn movie and that’s what you got. There was a good movie underneath it all but it was so over-the-top and explicit that the story was just lost. After a while you’re like, “Move on, we get it.’’ They could have cut out an hour of the movie and it would have been a lot better. One-and-a-half stars.

Anchorman II: I’d heard mixed reviews on it. I know people who did not like it at all and people who said it was OK for a sequel. I absolutely loved it. I laughed the entire time. I love every single one of those characters, especially Will Farrell and Paul Rudd. They’re two of my favorite comedy actors. Three stars.

Captain Phillips:  It was kind of long and there were times I got a little bored, but overall I liked it a lot. Two-and-a-half.

Ride Along: Kevin Hart plays the main character. It’s a cop movie where this guy wants to marry the cop’s sister. So the cop says you can ride a long with me and if I think you’re worthy I’ll give you my blessing. It was pretty good. Not the best movie, but you’re entertained enough. Two stars.

Gravity: It was nice and short, maybe 90 minutes, and it keeps you on the edge of your seat the entire time. Three stars.

Twelve Years a Slave: Really, really good. I went to see it late at night by myself because Haylee didn’t want to see it. It was my favorite movie of the off-season. Great story. You’re rooting the whole time for the guy to get out of that situation he was in. It was pretty tough to watch at times, but that’s what made it so good. You felt like you were there. Three-and-a-quarter stars.

Just to let you know, I hardly ever think a movie is four stars. Tombstone is definitely four stars. I’d say The Place Beyond the Pines is almost four stars. Also Macgruber gets almost four stars. I laugh my butt off every time I see it.

OK, off to catch up with the media. Hope you’re coming out to the park for FanFest tomorrow. It’s a really cool event for the players because we get to meet fans face-to-face.

I’ll check in again during spring training. Thanks for reading.

-Brandon B.

34 Comments

Don’t EVER stop these blogs! Love them! Glad BB season is around the corner!

Hooray, blogging is back, spring training is almost here, and then… a whole new season. Can’t wait to see what happens and can’t wait to read more of your posts! And, most of all, see those commercials :)

I’m so glad and very exited that baseball is so close now, i hate off season! lol so happy that you’re staying with us B. you’re one of my fav players, and i really enjoy these blogs, thanks.

Brandon–Great blog! Sorry to lose you from SF but you gotta have your doggie with you! Oh and believe me, you’re not at “midlife” yet–think of it this way: you’ll live to be 100!

I’m a BIG fan Brandon and hope you get a great contract this year. And we have same taste in movies. Tombstone, Place Beyond the Pines & MacGruber have my favorite actors, Val Kilmer & Ryan Gosling.

Of course the Giants picked you to be the Gamer Babe. You’re the only one that could fill out the dress so… um… completely. Can’t wait to see the commercials. Glad you got to spend some quality time with your family in the off season, but it’s nice to have you back in the Bay.

Thank you for sharing with us Brandon, and it all sounds great. I’m thinking this is going to be a very exciting season. Most of the guys must have grown a lot from winning it all two years ago and from being disappointed last year. Putting it all together should make you guys a team that can deal with anything. I saw Twelve Years and The Wolf and I defintely agree with your reviews. Thanks again for pulling us in closer to you and the club. Go Giants!!!

Brandon, San Mateo County would like nothing more than to fulfill your real-estate rental needs.

YAY!! Brandon’s blog is back!! I sooooo get the Lovesacs thing. My daughter and I would make special trips to that store just to sit in them! You’re so lucky to have 2! Good luck with the house hunt. You will be so much more comfortable in a house, especially with your dog by your side. Will be at FanFest bright and early, and hope to see you there. So thrilled to have baseball back in my life soon.

Thanks King Belt!! I will definitely be seeing you tomorrow at Fanfest! I have been following you from AAA and have enjoyed watching you get better every year. I believe that we have a great ballclub and with people like yourself and Hunter, Vogey, Panda, Scut, BCraw, Buster, Angel, The Freak, Romo, MadBum, The Horse, and the new Morse Code. The trophy is 162 games away. I believe we can win every one of them. Brandon check out my twitter and follow me @thrawnkill

Baseball and Brandon is back! It’s been too long. Just an idea, but maybe your dog needs a buddy to help with the separation anxiety. We had one like that and we got it a friend and it helped a lot. Hope you have a great year, we’ll be cheering for you!

Would kill to be there but tem Buster I say hi!!! Thanks for doing the movie reviews like you said you would at the melt.

Brandon I have to say you are the most down to earth Giant. I was at the commercial shoot as an “extra”. At every break you would take the time to talk to us fans,take photos & sign anything we gave you. The day was spectacular because of you!
Thank you!!!!

Great seperation anxiety specialist in the area she can help malena de martini at ain’t misbehavin

I am so glad to see your blog again, and I’m glad you will have your dog with you. I can hardly wait for Spring Training and then the season. Your weight training sounds promising although in my eyes you did pretty well last year. I hope you stay a Giant for a long while. Good luck!

So hows you BABIP?

Move to Danville and be neighbors with me, Kuip, and Affeldt!

MacGruber, Really?

i love your posts! i don’t even watch movies and i love your reviews. and good on you for working your doggie into it all. watching the clock ticking waiting for the season to start! ♥

Brandon, it is wonderful to open my email, and have not just a blog entry, but movie reviews, too! I would come to fanfest, but I live in Kentucky. Yup, you have a fan in Kentucky! Oh, Lone Survivor is awesome. Have you seen it?

Love the beard (though please don’t go weird like Brian Wilson did). Good luck with the house hunt — be nice for you to have some yard space even if you’re not home to enjoy it much during the season. East Bay seems to be the way to go, but I remember in the Candlestick days a lot of the Giants lived on the Peninsula, usually around Foster City. See you at Fan Fest!

Brandon~I enjoy your blog and can’t wait for the commercials. I was there on Wed. and got some good pics of you. Thanks for the pic and auto. Have a GREAT season…

I hope I like American Hustle, The Wolf of Wall Street, and Gravity more than you did. I agree that Anchorman 2 was definitely still funny, if less funny than the first one. Still way funnier than your average comedy. I’ve heard so many good things about 12 Years a Slave, I’ll have to watch it. And The Place Beyond the Pines is absolutely phenomenal movie, it’s by far one of my favorite movies of the year along with This Is the End and Prisoners.

Love the blog! Helps to make us out of state fans feel closer to the ballpark & players!

Yay, the blog is back!! So happy to it’s almost baseball season again, woop whoop! Congrats on the facial hair, it’s very San Francisco :) and it looks very handsome! Looking forward to seeing you in Scottsdale!

so glad to be at FANFEST today!! appreciate your movie notes. see you in Scottsdale!

Humor and the ability to laugh at yourself are probably the most important tools to possess throughout a 162 game schedule. It’s infectious. A team that laughs together has a better shot at avoiding the conflicts which arise over irrelevant matters, so as to allow the focus to remain on the big prize. I know this team has the talent, motivation and leadership to achieve that which it sets out to accomplish. 2010 and 2012 are the evidence. I sense a pattern. You took the season series with the Bums last year and nothing will come easy, but I’ll take our crew over LA any day of the week and twice on Sundays. Go Giants!

Pingback: Bay Area Sports Guy – Some not-so-serious Brandon Belt updates

Hey Brandon, where can I send fan mail to? Also, great blog! Thanks.

Hi Brandon,

So good to hear from you! It is nice to know about your personal life and that your dog will be with you during baseball season. Love your movie reviews too. You are great!!!..

Hi Brandon and Brandon (must have bleeped his first blog? by mistake). It is really good to have you 2 back, the whole team actually but we have been watchng B&B from day one and you have taught us a lot about baseball. Keep it up!

okay, can’t hurt, but have you thought about a dog sitter for lilly ? sounds like she would love to have someone there when you are all at games, and i have great, great references. really great. i get flown back to the hamptons just to dog sit every year, and take care of a huge estate. combining my love of dogs, with my love of baseball, sounds like a complete dream to me. i’m so serious, as stupid as it sounds. well, there you have my pitch….love baseball and dogs….win / win lu states

Hey, Moneybags, time to write something about thinking about the first paycheck.

Brandon, check out Orinda (my hometown)! It’s beautiful and won’t be too long of a commute.

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