Naked Cowboys and Body Suits

Whatever you’ve read about the rookie hazing in Times Square, believe me, it was better. If I was one of the rookies, I’d have hated it. As a bystander it was one of the best things ever.

They were wearing just speedos, cowboy boots, a cowboy hat and guitar. That was it. It was way worse than what we had to do when I was a rookie. We had to wear full body suits—these nylon things that stretched from your toes to the top of your head like the costumes for Blue Man Group. It covered your body but was revealing at the same time. It showed every bump. Not a good look. We were walking around a part of San Diego that was packed with people. I got separated from the group somehow — I think I went into a restaurant to go to the bathroom and they left me.So I was walking by myself in this bright-colored, very revealing body suit. You can imagine the looks I got. It was the most awkward thing ever.

​But it wasn’t nearly as bad as this year’s hazing. You wouldn’t believe how many Giants fans were in Times Square. Tons. They recognized the veteran players, and we told them to hang around to see the show. So our guys had a nice big crowd around them.

Their main goal was to find the real-life Naked Cowboy and get their picture with him. So they did that. Then there was the Naked Cowgirl. She was about 80. I’m not kidding you. She was naked except for pasties. That was weird. There were also a couple girls dressed up like Vegas showgirls with nothing on but body paint that didn’t cover up anything. There are an amazing large number of naked people in Times Square.

​The rookies had to collect a certain amount of money before they could change into their regular clothes. They played the guitar, did whatever they could to get money. Roger Kieschnick was pretty successful. Heath Hembree was talking to everybody and anybody. I think Johnny Monell and Juan Perez actually enjoyed it. They were really good sports about it.

​A lot of the wives made the trip to New York. Haylee and I went to see The Lion King one night after a day game. It was pretty spectacular. The only thing with the Broadway plays – at least the two I’ve been to – is they’re always packed. I can’t stand sitting for two and a half hours and not move. At the movies, I can get up and do whatever I want. But in a Broadway theater, if you’re in the middle of the row, you feel you’re stuck there. The people behind me were tiny and I’m huge, so I was trying to slump down in my seat. So it was feeling pretty cramped. But the show was great.

​We ate beforehand at Ted’s Montana Grill, anoutstanding steak house owned by Ted Turner. And we saw him in there! He was sitting right near us. It was like seeing Santa Claus at the North Pole.

​Yesterday before the Dodger game back here in San Francisco, Haylee and I ate at Olive Garden. Great as ever. I always pay a little extra now to get alfredo sauce with my breadsticks. I don’t know what I’d do if they stop giving free breadsticks. I go to places for free appetizers. That’s a fact. That’s why I go to Mexican restaurants. You get chips and salsa.

​I don’t know how you’re doing in your fantasy football league, but I’m not a happy owner right now. I’m in three leagues, and I’m behind in all of them. I have great players, but they’re playing terrible. They’re not gelling. They don’t have good team chemistry. I’m going to have to call a team meeting. Get these players together and figure something out.

In the Giants fantasy league, I’m 1-2. I reallydidn’t want to be part of the Giants’ league because I was already on two other teams. But I got talked into it. I can be talked into almost anything, by the way. I’m a follower. ​

​On the off day Monday, I saw the movie Prisoners, so here’s the review.

Two families’ daughters get kidnapped, and the whole movie is about the families trying to find these kids. It was two-and-a-half hours long, but there wasn’t a time I was bored because there are twists and turns to keep you interested. And the ending it pretty good. It’s kind of predictable but not completely. Hugh Jackman and Terence Howard are really good. There are some torture elements in the movie, so if that bothers you, you might want to watch out for that. I can see why the torture is in there, though. I mean, if you were in the same situation, what wouldn’t you do to find your kid? Haylee liked it, too, which says a lot because she hates movies.

Three and half stars. Maybe 3.75. But let’s go with 3.5. It loses half a point for the semi-predictability. And at one point there was something in there that they were really beating to death and they needed to move on.

​ See you at the ballpark for these final few days. We’re finishing pretty strong, I think, and looking forward to a fresh start next spring.

-Brandon B.

26 Comments

enjoy your last few games, I’ll be there to see you all!!!

Oh my, I got such a chuckle reading about the hazing…I would have loved to been there. Last night’s game was great looking forward to tonight’s game!

How’d you manage to escape being photographed with that bodysuit? I’ve seen the pics of the other guys, but none of you… Hmmm….

Good times. Enjoying seeing you play after surviving hazing. And New York :) I will miss you guys!

Thanks for the post. It had me laughing a lot! I wish I could have been in Times square for the hazing. :) My football fantasy team isn’t doing well either. :P Excited to watch you guys play these last couple games! Rooting for you all the way!

reading your blog, for me, has been one of the more enjoyable aspects of this season No offense intended in any way. I really enjoy your movie reviews i see a second career Please write in the off season so i dont miss you too much take care

MY MOM IS GOING TOMORROW (9/27/13). I’m so jealous!!!!! Hope you enjoy these last few games and your offseason! (I wish I could say the playoffs) :P

I loved the Naked Cowboy dress “Up” day. Way more creative than putting a bunch of guys in a dress. It was great to see you guys having fun after a disappointing season. It gives me hope for next year. I can’t wait.

I love that you slump down in your seat when short people are sitting behind you. That’s old school :-)

Really enjoyed the blogs this year. Hope you have a great off-season Brandon.

Brandon B – I love your blog…I look forward to it and share it with my family, friends and co-workers. You are refreshing in your outlook – feels like you are comfortable in your own skin. Thank you for your efforts in 2013. I love you at 1B. I have never had a jersey and this birthday my sibs got me yours with World Series patch. I am so pleased. Hope you keep up the blog in the off-season. Love the movie reviews.

I love that you guys have shared your side of the game with the fans! It really makes us appreciate our team and the game even more! And I love how relatable your blog is! Keep up the good work and let’s finish strong against the Padres!!! Orange is the new black ;)

Keep up your spirit during the off season – you really showed the true Belt towards the end of this season; and if you continue doing what you did at the end of this season you will be great through the rest of your career.

Brandon, thanks so much for taking the time throughout this season to share your “insider” stories, insights and — most of all — those awesome food and movie reviews! Have a good break but don’t forget us!

I was in New York with the Giant Vacations and saw the games. Wish I had know about the hazing, would have been fun to watch as our hotel was just a few blocks from Time Square, we were at the MLB Cave and that was fun too. Have a great off season, and see you in spring training.

Hi Brandon! I have a question.
If you can pick anyone of the guys on the giants that would be the best person to be in “Duck Dynasty” who would it be?

Thx for taking the time to share a bit of your funny personality and quick wit in ur bogs entries. Makes us feel like ur a real person and not just an unreachable super star athlete. Really proud and impressed at all the hard work and progress you’ve made since your big league start. You are a great example of how not to give up when you believe in yourself and you are patient. Thx also for making the rounds at The Melt. You made my daughter’s day yesterday! And she loved your big homer last night! Staying connected with your fans in these ways are truly a gift to us! Enjoy the off season. You worked hard! Hope you and Haley enjoy great downtime!

Thank you for continuing to blog, i always enjoy reading them.

Thank you so much for writing and in such an open and entertaining way. I love it. I have watched the whole season from my living room and enjoyed every play and hit you have made. Have a wonderful off season and enjoy your time. I’m sure we would love to hear your film reviews and about whatever you would like to share during the off season. I will check in to see if you continue to blog as I’m kind of a blog junkie. Come back strong and get ready for an even year run for the ring. Thanks so very much.

Your blog this season was so special! Thank you for taking the time to share your Giant experiences with us. It really is fun for us to follow along. For those of us who don’t live in the area, but are still fans, we treasure the opportunity to feel close to Giants baseball. Thank goodness that we can now watch all the games via satellite. But, even more … thank goodness that there are players like you … stellar on the field and are also willing to “hang out with us” and take time to share on your blog. Enjoy your Winter Break … we hope to see the Giants all the way into October next year! :)

Brandon, thank you for writing your blog at times funny, informative, and always enjoyable!! I went to youtube to find the footage of the bodysuits you were talking about FUNNY!!! have a good off season and I’ll have to wait til next year for this roller coaster ride to begin again!!! GO GIANTS!!!

I am going to miss reading your blog entries during the winter break. Have a great one! See you next year. Wow, that sounds like what I’d say to friends at the end of a year of high school oh so many years ago! But, I mean it!

I know this season didn’t end like any of us wanted, but it was fun watching anyway. You guys are great. I’m looking forward to seeing what you will do next season now that you have tweaked your approach at the plate. Thanks for sharing your insights and humor. Enjoy the time off!

Thank you for sharing throughout the season. Recently saw Enough Said, J. Gandolfini’s last film. Charming characters. Your wife might enjoy it.
Enjoy your off season.

I had no idea there were such interesting sights in Times Square (other than the usual, that is)! Loved your review of the events and the movie.

Not a bad year, especially post AS break. You just tore it up. What’s your off season workout consist of ?

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